Love is weird, isn’t it?

Love, a complicated thing, defined as ‘a strong feeling of affection’, it’s involved in everyones daily life, most people will feel this emotion throughout their life and also endure the emotion it causes when it has been ripped away from you. Love, it makes people do crazy things, it makes us happy and sad, excited and angry, it’s a unique emotion in that it has to ability to influence so many of our other emotions. ‘I love you’ gets said by most of us everyday, whether that be to a family member, a friend or a partner – or maybe even to a celeb we idolise. The type of love i’m thinking about now is the romantic love, a boyfriend or a wife for example.

In my life I have said those famous three words (I love you), to a grand total of two boyfriends, the first being my school boyfriend – for the sake of this post we shall call him Bob. I met Bob at age 14 and we were together up until I was 18, he was a few years older, he could drive a car and he was a part time model, it’s safe to say that I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. The start of this relationship was a very happy time for me, I felt cool with my older boyfriend, we had fun, we’d sit up all night chatting about rubbish and kissing, I also lost my virginity to the infamous Bob. It must of been about 6 months into this relationship when ‘I love you’ first got said, I remember it still now, It was me that said it first, I was so nervous. We were laying in bed talking and in a moment of silence I blurted it out, luckily it was met with the ideal response of “I love you too” and we kissed and I felt like magic. That was it for me, I felt like he was the one, I thought in that moment we would get married, have kids and grow old together, I couldn’t possibly entertain the thought that there would be anyone else out there for me, I mean we said I love you right, he must be the one! Wrong, as the years went by Bob got more and more controlling, I ended up losing all my friends, not having a social life and feeling trapped in an unhappy relationship. I continued to tell Bob I loved him everyday to keep him happy but it meant nothing. At the age of 18 I moved across the country and luckily that gave me a reason to leave Bob and get away, even though what followed the end of that relationship was a year of stalking and abuse, but who cares, Bob’s gone now. Retrospectively, I do think I loved Bob when I first said it, I think 14 year old me had those feelings, I wanted to spend all my time with him, everything he said gave me butterflies, I just think it was short lived, sorry Bob.

Moving on to the second lucky chap that has received an ‘I love you’ from me, we shall call him Steve in this post. Steve is my boyfriend now, a strapping 21 year old blonde with a heart of gold and a lovely beard. I first met steve a couple of years ago through mutual friends but we never really spoke, there was a running joke between our friends actually, that we looked like we would be perfect for each other and one day we would be together, even though i’d said no more than 10 words to this boy (they were so right). Earlier this year Steve attended my 21st birthday party, we spent the whole night together (I won’t go into that) and we have been inseparable ever since, we spent a month ‘seeing each other’ and then have been officially in a relationship since May 14th of this year. Now, this is going to seem a little crazy, but ‘I love you’ was said within the first two weeks of our official relationship, there’s two stories to tell you here. First off, about a week in we were on the phone, both quite heavily intoxicated, and I was chatting to him about complete rubbish I’m sure when he accidentally blurted out ‘I love you’, I was intoxicated and shocked and we both ignored it and pretended he hadn’t said anything, I mean we were a week into a relationship, bit soon I thought. Fast forward another week, we are laying in bed, it’s about 4am, we’d been up all night chatting about anything and everything and he said it again, this time I didn’t feel shocked it just felt right, I immediately wanted to say it back, so I did. I knew there in that moment I had that feeling of love again, it had managed to make it’s way back into my life all those years later and I was happy. We’re 7 months into our relationship now and I tell him I love him every single day and I do, the amount of love I have for Steve is at a level I didn’t know it could reach, I don’t what I ever did without him and I never want to leave him. Steve is the kindest, funniest man I’ve ever met, he treats me like a princess and respects me, I love you Steve.

Love does scare me sometimes because I felt like I loved Bob and look how that turned out, I think I will put that down to my age though, I didn’t know what I wanted and cared more about looks and his car than his personality. Now I’m older my understanding of love and what I want from it is entirely different, I know who I am and know I shouldn’t let boys walk all over me like Bob did. I guess I never will really know the exact meaning of love but I like to think of it as the warm fuzzy feeling you get when you think about someone.

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